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  1. Press CTRL-ALT-DEL now for an IQ test.
  2. If computers had invented humans as part of a BI program (biological intelligence), humans would have been tossed aside as barely having achieved perfect game play at Tic-Tac-Toe.{Epine}
  3. If you don't want to be replaced by a computer, don't act like one. {Arno Penzias}
  4. 1f y0u c4n r34d 7h15, y0u r34||y n33d 70 637 |41d.
  5. Build a system that even a fool can use, and only a fool will want to use it.
  6. Why do we want intelligent terminals when there are so many stupid users?
  7. I can't uninstall it, there seems to be some kind of 'Uninstall Shield'.
  8. I went to a gentleman's cybercafe — and they offered me a 'laptop dance'.
  9. It took me many years but I have gained access to the root account and have removed the user God. {Saros (Jeff Batten)}
  10. Relax, its only ONES and ZEROS!
  11. I have NOT lost my mind — I have it backed up on tape somewhere.
  12. What do you mean by 'RAM DISK is not an installation procedure'?
  13. 'INSERT DISK THREE' ? But I can only get two in the drive!
  14. Daddy, why doesn't this magnet pick up this floppy disk?
  15. Daddy, what does FORMATTING DRIVE C mean?
  16. See daddy ? All the keys are in alphabetical order now.
  17. Worth noting: running 'reboot -h' does NOT produce a helpful usage message.
  18. If you can't beat your computer at chess, do what I did — try kick-boxing. {Matt Larson}
  19. rm -rf /bin/laden
  20. What is the difference between a computer and a woman? A woman won't accept a 3 and 1/2-inch floppy !
  21. Internet Explorer Tip: when it says 'turn off images', it only refers to inline images. Which is why it's safe to go to Goatse but not Tubgirl. I think it's obvious how I figured this out. {Bivens}
  22. When I was a teenager, Mom said I'd go blind if I didn't quit doing *that*. Maybe she was right — since the invention of internet porn, computer monitors keep getting bigger and bigger! {Bill Ervin}
  23. Ooops. My brain just hit a bad sector.
  24. Those who can't write programs, write help files.
  25. Smash forehead on keyboard to continue...
  26. Enter any 11-digit prime number to continue...
  27. The world is coming to an end... SAVE YOUR BUFFERS!
  28. Jesus saves... So why the fuck didn't I?
  29. Yeah, Jesus tried to save me, but there was no space left on his memory card.
  30. Yo moma is such a whore, if she was a chmod she'd be 777 because everyone has access...
  31. Yo moma is like HTML: Tiny head, huge body.
  32. I tried setting my hotmail password to penis. It said my password wasn't long enough. :( {Raven}
  33. You know you're a geek when... You try to shoo a fly away from the monitor with your cursor. That just happened to me. It was scary. {Juuso Heimonen}
  34. She said she was hot for me, so i gave her a spare heatsink. She didn't seem happy. I just dont understand women. {MrRoboto1024}
  35. I see no progress in this industry. These clocks are no faster than the ones they made a hundred years ago. {Henry Ford}
  36. The Mac finder really puts the 'stupid' in 'Keep It Simple, Stupid'.
  37. Steve Jobs may have the apple, but Bill Gates has the entire orchard!
  38. Wanted: Expert Java programmers, 5+ years experience.
  39. The Internet? Is that thing still around? {Homer Simpson}
  40. The Internet: where men are men, women are men, and children are FBI agents.
  41. The Net interprets censorship as damage and routes around it. {John Gilmore}
  42. IRC is just multiplayer notepad.
  43. Some things Man was never meant to know. For everything else, there's Google.
  44. The web is a dominatrix. Every where I turn, I see little buttons ordering me to Submit. {Nytwind}
  45. Computer security. {Oxymoron}
  46. Those willing to give up a little security by using a little obscurity deserve neither security nor root privileges. {B.F.}
  47. Every operating system out there is about equal... We all suck.
  48. The only truly secure computer is one buried in concrete, with the power turned off and the network cable cut.
  49. NO, You cannot dial 911, I'm downloading my mail!
  50. Never underestimate the bandwidth of a pickup full of magnetic tapes.
  51. My computer's sick. I think my modem is a carrier.
  52. CChheecckk yyoouurr dduupplleexx sswwiittcchh..
  53. [A]bort, [R]etry, [I]gnore, [F]ail?
  54. Win95 not found, [P]arty, [C]elebrate, [D]rink?
  55. I wonder what Jesus would do if He had to reload Windows 95 for the eighth time today? {Mirabour Gilbride}
  56. They say if you play a Microsoft CD backwards, you hear satanic messages. Thats nothing, cause if you play it forwards, it installs Windows. { Alluvium}
  57. English, the Microsoft of languages...
  58. Your mouse has moved. Windows NT must be restarted for the change to take effect. Reboot now? [OK]
  59. WinNT: All the headaches of Unix, but in a pretty, windowed environment.
  60. WinNT: supports Plug'n Play devices, just not Plug 'n Play...
  61. MS-DOS isn't dead, it just smells that way. {Henry Spencer}
  62. It's been said that Bill Gates named his company after his dick...
  63. Ever notice how fast Windows runs? — Neither did I.
  64. I can't use Windows. My cat ate my mouse.
  65. Restart, Reboot, Reinstall.
  66. If at first you don't succeed, work for Microsoft.
  67. There's no set architecture in Linux. All roads lead to madness. {Martin Taylor}
  68. We are Microsoft. Resistance Is Futile. You Will Be Assimilated. {Bumper sticker}
  69. Double your drive space — delete Windows! {Bumper sticker}
  70. I think MS named .Net so it wouldn't show up in a Unix directory listing. {Oktal}
  71. I like women the way I like my filesystem: FAT and 16. {DevilsX}
  72. I like my web servers just like my women... insecure and full of holes waiting to be exploited. {B.G.}
  73. Is OS/2 only half an operating system?
  74. Microsoft is not the answer. Microsoft is the question. NO is the answer. {Erik Naggum}
  75. Measuring programming progress by lines of code is like measuring aircraft building progress by weight. {Bill Gates}
  76. What does the Start button do — isn't the computer already running?
  77. Why should I press the Start button to turn the computer off?
  78. In Microsoft's case: RC = Alpha, Release = Beta, Service Pack 1 = RC, Service Pack 2 = Release. {Maldivia}
  79. Microsoft Works. {Oxymoron}
  80. I had a fortune cookie the other day and it said: 'Outlook not so good'. I said: 'Sure, but Microsoft ships it anyway'.
  81. 'Intel Inside': The world's most widely used warning label. {Jim Hopper}
  82. Intel: We put the 'um...' in Pentium.
  83. Intel Inside' is a Government Warning required by Law.
  84. The Pentium III: It's Hitler Inside!
  85. I'm running Windows '98 - Yes. - My computer isn't working now. - Yes, you said that.
  86. A Windows user spends 1/3 of his life sleeping, 1/3 working, 1/3 waiting.
  87. Windows: Just another pain in the glass.
  88. Windows isn't a virus, viruses do something.
  89. Difference between a virus and windows ? Viruses rarely fail.
  90. Computer are like air conditioners: they stop working when you open windows.
  91. Heard of the new version of Windows from MS? It is called CEMENT — CE+ME+NT
  92. All I ever wanted was to see Larry Wall give Bill Gates a Perl necklace.
  93. There are 10 kinds of people in this world....Those who understand binary and those who don't.
  94. The first 90% of the code accounts for the first 90% of the development time. The remaining 10% of the code accounts for the other 90% of the development time. {Tom Cargill}
  95. C++ tries to guard against Murphy, not Machiavelli. {Damian Conway}
  96. Programmers are in a race with the Universe to create bigger and better idiot-proof programs, while the Universe is trying to create bigger and better idiots. So far the Universe is winning. {Rich Cook}
  97. Make everything as simple as possible, but not simpler. {Albert Einstain}
  98. Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the universe. {Albert Einstain}
  99. Good programmers use their brains, but good guidelines save us having to think out every case. {Francis Glassborow}
  100. The open secrets of good design practice include the importance of knowing what to keep whole, what to combine, what to separate, and what to throw away. {Kevlin Henny}
  101. Before software can be reusable it first has to be usable. {Ralph Johnson}
  102. First, solve the problem. Then, write the code. {John Johnson}
  103. Perl is another example of filling a tiny, short-term need, and then being a real problem in the longer term. {Alan Kay}
  104. Should array indices start at 0 or 1? My compromise of 0.5 was rejected without, I thought, proper consideration. {Stan Kelly-Bootle}
  105. Debugging is twice as hard as writing the code in the first place. Therefore, if you write the code as cleverly as possible, you are, by definition, not smart enough to debug it. {Brian W. Kernighan}
  106. Beware of bugs in the above code; I have only proved it correct, not tried it. {Donald Knuth}
  107. Computers are good at following instructions, but not at reading your mind. {Donald Knuth}
  108. TeX has found at least one bug in every Pascal compiler it's been run on, I think, and at least two in every C compiler. {Donald Knuth}
  109. You're bound to be unhappy if you optimize everything. {Donald Knuth}
  110. Programming can be fun, so can cryptography; however they should not be combined. {Kreitzberg and Shneiderman}
  111. Debugging a Direct3D application can be challenging. {MS}
  112. Any fool can use a computer. Many do. {Ted Nelson}
  113. Copy and paste is a design error {David Parnas}
  114. Every program has (at least) two purposes: the one for which it was written, and another for which it wasn't. {Alan J. Perlis}
  115. There are two ways to write error-free programs; only the third works. {Alan J. Perlis}
  116. When someone says, 'I want a programming language in which I need only say what I want done,' give him a lollipop. {Alan J. Perlis}
  117. Computers are useless. They can only give you answers. {Pablo Picasso}
  118. UNIX is simple. It just takes a genius to understand its simplicity. {Dennis Ritchie}
  119. You know you've achieved perfection in design, not when you have nothing more to add, but when you have nothing more to take away.
  120. If the code and the comments disagree, then both are probably wrong.
  121. It is difficult to get a man to understand something when his salary depends on his not understanding it. {Upton Sinclair}
  122. I did say something along the lines of 'C makes it easy to shoot yourself in the foot; C++ makes it harder, but when you do, it blows your whole leg off.' {Bjarne Stroustrup}
  123. A multithreaded file system is only a performance hack. {Prof. Andrew S. Tanenbaum}
  124. I've finally learned what 'upward compatible' means. It means we get to keep all our old mistakes. {Dennie van Tassel}
  125. There are only two industries that refer to their customers as 'users'. {Edward Tufte}
  126. As soon as we started programming, we found to our surprise that it wasn't as easy to get programs right as we had thought. Debugging had to be discovered. I can remember the exact instant when I realized that a large part of my life from then on was going to be spent in finding mistakes in my own programs. {Maurice Wilkes}
  127. The purpose of software engineering is to control complexity, not to create it. {Dr. Pamela Zave}
  128. Some people, when confronted with a problem, think "I know, I'll use regular expressions." Now they have two problems. {Jamie Zawinski}
  129. IE ... Nujno zlo vsakega designerja! {Mesko}
  130. A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing. {Emo Philips}
  131. The computer was born to solve problems that did not exist before. {Bill Gates}
  132. Software is a gas; it expands to fill its container. {Nathan Myhrvold}
  133. Physics is the universe's operating system. {Steven R Garman}
  134. It's hardware that makes a machine fast. It's software that makes a fast machine slow. {Craig Bruce}
  135. The greatest enemy of knowledge is not ignorance, it is the illusion of knowledge. {Stephen Hawking}
  136. The more you know, the more you realize you know nothing. {Socrates}
  137. Tell me and I forget. Teach me and I remember. Involve me and I learn. {Benjamin Franklin}
  138. Where is the 'any' key? {Homer Simpson}
  139. Computers are good at following instructions, but not at reading your mind. {Donald Knuth}
  140. The Internet? We are not interested in it. {Bill Gates}
  141. We have to stop optimizing for programmers and start optimizing for users. {Jeff Atwood}
  142. If we wish to count lines of code, we should not regard them as 'lines produced' but as 'lines spent.' {Edsger Dijkstra}
  143. Less than 10% of the code has to do with the ostensible purpose of the system; the rest deals with input-output, data validation, data structure maintenance, and other housekeeping. {Mary Shaw}
  144. Code generation, like drinking alcohol, is good in moderation. {Alex Lowe}
  145. A program is never less than 90% complete, and never more than 95% complete. {Terry Baker}
  146. When you are stuck in a traffic jam with a Porsche, all you do is burn more gas in idle. Scalability is about building wider roads, not about building faster cars. {Steve Swartz}
  147. The best way to predict the future is to implement it. {David Heinemeier Hansson}
  148. We need above all to know about changes; no one wants or needs to be reminded 16 hours a day that his shoes are on. {David Hubel}
  149. Don't document the problem, fix it. {Atli Björgvin Oddsson}
  150. If the code and the comments do not match, possibly both are incorrect. {Norm Schryer}
  151. I think it's a new feature. Don't tell anyone it was an accident. {Larry Wall}
  152. When debugging, novices insert corrective code; experts remove defective code. {Richard Pattis}
  153. It was a joke, okay? If we thought it would actually be used, we wouldn't have written it! {Mark Andreesen glede HTML značke BLINK}
  154. Web Services are like teenage sex. Everyone is talking about doing it, and those who are actually doing it are doing it badly. {Michelle Bustamante}
  155. XML is not a language in the sense of a programming language any more than sketches on a napkin are a language. {Charles Simonyi}
  156. I think computer viruses should count as life. I think it says something about human nature that the only form of life we have created so far is purely destructive. We’ve created life in our own image. {Stephen Hawking}
  157. The only truly secure system is one that is powered off, cast in a block of concrete and sealed in a lead-lined room with armed guards. {Gene Spafford}
  158. Passwords are like underwear: you don't let people see it, you should change it very often, and you shouldn't share it with strangers. {Chris Pirillo}
  159. Computer viruses are an urban legend. {Peter Norton}
  160. Computer games don’t affect kids; I mean if Pac-Man affected us as kids, we’d all be running around in darkened rooms, munching magic pills and listening to repetitive electronic music. {Kristin Wilson, Nintendo}

    161. Koda, ki izpiše zgornji seznam citatov:

    function seznam_citatov($atts) {
	include "citati.php";
 
	$izpis = "";
	$izpis .= '
<ol class="seznam_citati">';
 
	foreach ($quote as $i =&gt; $q) {
		$izpis .= '
	<li class="';&#xd;&#xa;&#x9;&#x9;if ($i%2 == 0) {&#xd;&#xa;&#x9;&#x9;&#x9;$izpis .= 'Csodo';&#xd;&#xa;&#x9;&#x9;}&#xd;&#xa;&#x9;&#x9;else {&#xd;&#xa;&#x9;&#x9;&#x9;$izpis .= 'Cliho';&#xd;&#xa;&#x9;&#x9;}&#xd;&#xa;&#x9;&#x9;$izpis .= '">';
		$izpis .= $q;
		$izpis .= '</li>
';
	}
 
	$izpis .= '
 
';
 
	echo $izpis;
}</ol>

    Koda, datoteke ‘citati.php’ pa izgleda takole (del):

    $quote[] = "Press CTRL-ALT-DEL now for an IQ test.";
$quote[] = "If computers had invented humans as part of a BI program (biological intelligence), humans would have been tossed aside as barely having achieved perfect game play at Tic-Tac-Toe.{Epine}";
...